this is too much for me

the concept that the closer people become, the more conflict arises to pull them apart

I was doin' the readin' for my online speech course, and this came up. "Relational Dialectics." The theory that the closer individuals become to one another, the more conflict will arise to pull them apart. It was like nothing in my life had ever made more sense to me in my life. Besides that.....




During many dicussions at the San Francisco Conservatory of Dance, we all confessed our reasons for lovin' the dancin'. Most girls cried and said dance was their only was to get out all of their anger and emotions and feelings built up from life and stuff. It's kind of different for me. Dance is how I get away from all of the shit. The physicality breeds new emotions, not ones I already go through day in day out. I don't wanna relive those.

The Conservatory isn't really dance. It's like how to live your life. All the things I have learned about dance apply equally and more strongly to my life. And I think that is why people go see dance. Because they want to see how to live their life.

I SAID HEY

I cry like every day, but I've realized I love crying. I cry when I see a kid hug her dad, I cried when I heard this song on the radio earlier, not because it's sad or it touched me, it's just SO GOOD. I cry watching MTV and whenever I have to tell Bailee good bye. This is so weird to me because I used to NEVER cry. I mean never. But now I love it.

So I'm gonna move to San Francisco in like two weeks, I'm gonna buy a bike and a longboard eventually. I'm gonna finish dumb online high school and I'm gonna baby sit to make some money before I can get a real job. And I'm gonna turn on all the tvs in the house and the radios and computers and talk on the phone so I'm not lonely. I've discovered the cure and it is an on/off switch. And when I get sad I'll listen to tubthumping by chumbawumba (i get knocked down...but I get up again....)

AND I'm gonna write all of my penpals. I have like twenty.

This will be my little family on the MUNI on Halloweeney one day :

kind of my life

Guaranteed to make you pee your pants

The dashboard melted but we still had the radio

Hayyy. I'm back !!!

Vacation in Fl was awesome. Ever single day they said that the oil was going to hit the beach, but it never did during our stay. That was really a lesson in enjoying the Earth, because we didn't know if we would get to enjoy this gorgeous beach again the next day. So we just lived it.

Today I did something I've been thinking about and talking about doing for a very long time: volunteering. I went to my old Episcopalian school/church kitchen and made 200 sandwiches for the "homeless" with my former Christian Ed teacher, former Girl Scout troop leader, and two or three more incredible individuals. I put homeless in quotes because although they do have homes, they are still considered homeless because they are living in government subsidized housing. I knew my town was incredibly poor, but I had no idea we had projects. Because children are able to get food during the week through programs, and there is Christ's Kitchen on Saturday, they were left without a meal provided on Sunday. That is why this group started. They started off making only about 60 sandwiches, then increased to 200. Soon they will have to increase again. I can say honestly that I have never volunteered a day in my life. What called me to get started was cleaning out my apartment and seeing how much stuff I had. It was ridiculous. There are few situations in my life where I have felt so touched as I did today, putting food straight in to the people's hands. Sure some of these people reeked of marijuana, had tear drop tattoos which represent that they've killed someone for gang initiation, or had immaculately done nails and hair. But were they and their children still hungry? Yes ! It just doesn't matter sometimes. They still need it, they still need to know that people are going to come every Sunday when they say they are going to come, and show love. Right now, coming home to my air conditioned two story house, my mom making a delicious dinner of meat and vegetables on our Viking stove..... then going up to a room of my own, plugging in my iPhone to a stereo then getting on my computer to upload a photo from my Canon Digital Rebel from my weeklong beach vacation.... it's all too much right now. I just have to remember that my family has worked so incredibly hard for what we have. So all I can do is be thankful and give back when I can.

Wowww

Let's just not talk about how I haven't blogged in a century kay. This post is for Kelsey : ) So I finished my last AP test today. School is done basically. After taking AP courses I don't even feel the need to study for finals.

I went to New York with Emily !

This trip just made me really like Tasti Delite and want to go to the New School and major in International Affairs so I can go save Vietnam.

Cutest baby in Williamsburg, Nacho (Ignacio)

Now I'm pretty much just preparing mentally to move to San Francisco. I'm getting my life on the road about five years early since there's a large possibility I will get a real dance job (haha) and put off college until my knees and hips can take no more surgeries.

I'm in love with this site.

:

Not sure why I don't have a pair. I feel like they're a teenager/general person staple.

Aaaaaand I have a *~tOtAlLy AwEsOmE nEw (sort of) bF!!~*

I kinda like him : )

Om Shanti !

Home

I've spent probably three hours outside today. My family went out to my grandparents farm/ranch to eat barbecued chicken, potato salad, and pie. I, totally out of it, forgot about the time change and woke up late, about ten. Then proceeded to eat a nice bowl of cold oatmeal with peanut butter. We were supposed to have lunch at eleven. Needless to say I wasn't hungry at all. So I just ate later.

In the past, going home has been something very destructive for me. But now, it has turned into something very therapeutic, as I have completely cut all ties with all of my old friends. Today, I spent over an hour in the bed of my grandpa's truck as we drove around and I dumped feed out periodically for our longhorns. I spent a good while brushing a horse that's been around since I was born, and chasing chickens and guineas. I explored the barn for eggs and drank from the hose. Finally, my appetite worked up, and I enjoyed some sweet tea, a chicken leg, and apple pie. When we came home, I went on a run, then went straight to my patio and fell asleep in a lawn chair. This is summer for me. I smell like the outdoors and I feel full of health and vibrancy. I can't get this in Dallas, maybe I don't try hard enough. I can't wait to go swimming and to the beach.

Blogger Fail

Been craaaaazy busy lately. I'm planning some good posts for spring break though : )

magsexploringherworld

Things that involve optional _____________.

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to be more committed to taking pictures. I definitely don't take enough. I think the reasoning is that I love taking photographs of people, not so much landscapes or objects. I'm awkward, and sometimes so are people about getting their picture taken. Here are a few I have taken that I like.

Fill in the blank.

Doors and Details

Detail
Door

I could have died taking these photos, better appreciate them!

-Emily

Lessons in Stamina

Sometime next week I will be doing a Gaga demonstration for my friend who is doing a presentation in his speech class. The presentation is on Ohad Naharin, the artistic director of Batsheva Dance Company. It's in Hebrew, translate it with google or just look at the cool pics. The website isn't the most informative but whatevs.


Gaga is a sort of improvisational technique that was developed by Naharin. Gaga classes are a way to increase sensation and awareness in your body. Gaga is for the young and old, and ranges from non dancer to professional. Mirrors must be covered up for Gaga, everyone must participate, observing class is not allowed. When I studied Gaga for four weeks this summer at the San Francisco Conservatory of Dance, they locked the doors . Gaga is an incredible experience and I hope I can do it justice. Maybe someone will video the presentation. More on Gaga

The title of this post refers to yoga, and how I die about everytime I go. That is all.

Fin !

Finally finished it, so much love went into this little guy. My first stab at knitting ! It's not too shabby if I say so myself. Speaking of shabby, I will be taking a trip tomorrow here to pick up some new yarn. Probably going to be the highlight of my week.

Too bad I didn't take a better picture of the button. It's pretty fantastic.

I definitely slept in by two hours, and took my sweet time getting to ready and to school, no rush. Not worth the stress. So I took pictures of my scarf : )

Maybe one day I will post something of substance. Until then.....

Cute kitties.

Sarah

Blogging is hard

First of all :
Homemade cornbread and the last drips of honey. Milky coffee unpictured because I was too depressed to be reminded of my circumstances. My coffee maker broke. I am trying to decide whether I should buy a French Press from Target or not. Until then, I am finding ways to make instant taste better. Unsuccessfully. Maybe this is the perfect chance to wean myself off of coffee? Hah. Also, I eat honey on everything. Everyday for lunch I have plain Greek yogurt and honey. Honey on toast. My favorite, honey on goat cheese. I don't have allergies, but I found this interesting.


So my class card at Dallas Black ran out and I won't be able to get another one until next week. But I'm going to a Gyrotonic sesh tomorrow and a ballet private (whaaat) on Tuesday. The rest of the week will be filled with yoga and possibly more Gyrotonic. Okay so blogging isn't hard but blogging consistently is. I think I'm just not into the swing of things yet.

Sarah

Weekend

Waking up to this on Thursday morning was amazing, until i found out that i had school. Luckily i got to leave early. My snow day was filled with driving around, snowball fights, and sledding. It snowed all day, giving us about 11 inches they say. I have never seen that much snow in my entire life, it was the best way to start the weekend. Thank god we had school off the next day, giving us a chance to enjoy the snow.

I have the best boyfriend ever. On valentines day he showed up to my house with 12 roses. I have never had a guy do that to me! Then he took me out to my favorite thai restaurant, and the lake. Best valentines day ever. Hands down.

Happy Birthday Father !

My dad is 51 today. I think out of my parents I am most like my dad. He is near mute and works slowly but proficiently. My dad introduced me to Beck and Pandora Internet Radio. He used to pick me up from dance on the moped. He's training for a half marathon and runs 15-20 miles a week. He carried me downstairs everymorning and served me eggo waffles on the couch while I watched cartoons until I was umm.... 13. I made him this :

It could use some embellishment.

Frustrated

If you don't love what you're doing, fix it or shut up: you're ruining it for the rest of us.

Sarah

Best friend.

Snow-Day Dinner

Smoked Salmon-Edamame-Tomato Pasta (weird but brill combo), naan, dolmade, and 3/4ths of a falafel. And unpictured coffee. NO SCHOOL !!!

Emily

My Italian Stallion. Emily and I have been friends since freshman year. She was in my biology class and I hated her because Emily talked too much and asked dumb and unnecessary questions. But then one day we ended up at the same lunch table and the rest is history. Emily is the most drama free being you will meet. Contrary to my past belief, she is intelligent and talented. Blah blah. She also knows all of your secrets, but it's okay, she only tells me. We have been to see Lil Wayne and Blink 182 together. And we plan to see Animal Collective and Badfish and we have a whole list somewhere I just can't find it. My mom loves her more than she loves me, which is cool I guess. Emily helps me rationalize situations and put them in perspective. I usually have these long elaborate plans of how I'm going to solve my problems, but she finds the obvious easy one. Emily is a tough cookie. Even though I hate that expression. I love her.



Sarah