this is too much for me

the concept that the closer people become, the more conflict arises to pull them apart

I was doin' the readin' for my online speech course, and this came up. "Relational Dialectics." The theory that the closer individuals become to one another, the more conflict will arise to pull them apart. It was like nothing in my life had ever made more sense to me in my life. Besides that.....




During many dicussions at the San Francisco Conservatory of Dance, we all confessed our reasons for lovin' the dancin'. Most girls cried and said dance was their only was to get out all of their anger and emotions and feelings built up from life and stuff. It's kind of different for me. Dance is how I get away from all of the shit. The physicality breeds new emotions, not ones I already go through day in day out. I don't wanna relive those.

The Conservatory isn't really dance. It's like how to live your life. All the things I have learned about dance apply equally and more strongly to my life. And I think that is why people go see dance. Because they want to see how to live their life.

I SAID HEY

I cry like every day, but I've realized I love crying. I cry when I see a kid hug her dad, I cried when I heard this song on the radio earlier, not because it's sad or it touched me, it's just SO GOOD. I cry watching MTV and whenever I have to tell Bailee good bye. This is so weird to me because I used to NEVER cry. I mean never. But now I love it.

So I'm gonna move to San Francisco in like two weeks, I'm gonna buy a bike and a longboard eventually. I'm gonna finish dumb online high school and I'm gonna baby sit to make some money before I can get a real job. And I'm gonna turn on all the tvs in the house and the radios and computers and talk on the phone so I'm not lonely. I've discovered the cure and it is an on/off switch. And when I get sad I'll listen to tubthumping by chumbawumba (i get knocked down...but I get up again....)

AND I'm gonna write all of my penpals. I have like twenty.

This will be my little family on the MUNI on Halloweeney one day :

kind of my life

Guaranteed to make you pee your pants

The dashboard melted but we still had the radio

Hayyy. I'm back !!!

Vacation in Fl was awesome. Ever single day they said that the oil was going to hit the beach, but it never did during our stay. That was really a lesson in enjoying the Earth, because we didn't know if we would get to enjoy this gorgeous beach again the next day. So we just lived it.

Today I did something I've been thinking about and talking about doing for a very long time: volunteering. I went to my old Episcopalian school/church kitchen and made 200 sandwiches for the "homeless" with my former Christian Ed teacher, former Girl Scout troop leader, and two or three more incredible individuals. I put homeless in quotes because although they do have homes, they are still considered homeless because they are living in government subsidized housing. I knew my town was incredibly poor, but I had no idea we had projects. Because children are able to get food during the week through programs, and there is Christ's Kitchen on Saturday, they were left without a meal provided on Sunday. That is why this group started. They started off making only about 60 sandwiches, then increased to 200. Soon they will have to increase again. I can say honestly that I have never volunteered a day in my life. What called me to get started was cleaning out my apartment and seeing how much stuff I had. It was ridiculous. There are few situations in my life where I have felt so touched as I did today, putting food straight in to the people's hands. Sure some of these people reeked of marijuana, had tear drop tattoos which represent that they've killed someone for gang initiation, or had immaculately done nails and hair. But were they and their children still hungry? Yes ! It just doesn't matter sometimes. They still need it, they still need to know that people are going to come every Sunday when they say they are going to come, and show love. Right now, coming home to my air conditioned two story house, my mom making a delicious dinner of meat and vegetables on our Viking stove..... then going up to a room of my own, plugging in my iPhone to a stereo then getting on my computer to upload a photo from my Canon Digital Rebel from my weeklong beach vacation.... it's all too much right now. I just have to remember that my family has worked so incredibly hard for what we have. So all I can do is be thankful and give back when I can.

Wowww

Let's just not talk about how I haven't blogged in a century kay. This post is for Kelsey : ) So I finished my last AP test today. School is done basically. After taking AP courses I don't even feel the need to study for finals.

I went to New York with Emily !

This trip just made me really like Tasti Delite and want to go to the New School and major in International Affairs so I can go save Vietnam.

Cutest baby in Williamsburg, Nacho (Ignacio)

Now I'm pretty much just preparing mentally to move to San Francisco. I'm getting my life on the road about five years early since there's a large possibility I will get a real dance job (haha) and put off college until my knees and hips can take no more surgeries.

I'm in love with this site.

:

Not sure why I don't have a pair. I feel like they're a teenager/general person staple.

Aaaaaand I have a *~tOtAlLy AwEsOmE nEw (sort of) bF!!~*

I kinda like him : )

Om Shanti !